Playtime:
383 minutes
I bought this game for pennies on a whim, not even sure if I’d play it. But before I knew it, I was knee-deep in alien blood, blasting my way through memories I didn’t even realise I still had.
This version modernises just enough to smooth out the rough edges. Gone are the weird isometric distortions when looking up and down, which always made me feel like I was playing through a funhouse mirror. The lighting even seems better—though maybe that’s just my nostalgia running on overdrive. It feels cleaner, sharper, more like Half-Life 1 than the warping fever dream I remember from the 90s.
Back in the day, getting my hands on Duke Nukem 3D felt like an achievement in itself. I still remember walking into Our Price, knowing exactly what I wanted but realising I was 75p short of the £25 price tag. After scavenging every possible coin from my room, the car’s cup holders, and even my old coat pockets, I was still just shy. That’s when I had a brilliant, desperate idea—my Barclays account. With a grand total of £1.20 sitting untouched, I assumed the bank would laugh me out of the building for asking to withdraw mere pennies. But to my surprise, they handed it over without a second thought. Armed with my final 75p, I stormed back to the shop, dumped a pile of random change on the counter, and triumphantly convinced my mum that this game was definitely not too violent.
When I finally got to play it, I was hooked—but not just by the game itself. What really captivated me was BUILD, the level editor. I spent an entire summer making maps, recreating my school down to the last detail. Those files are long lost to time, but I’d give anything to dig them up again.
Coming back to the game all these years later, the humour still holds up. Back then, it was a love letter to 80s and 90s action movies, a perfect parody wrapped in explosions and one-liners. But while Duke Nukem 3D understood satire, its long-awaited sequel, Duke Nukem Forever, somehow managed to miss the mark entirely. The jokes in this game feel effortless, while Forever made Duke sound like that one guy at the bar still quoting Austin Powers unironically.
The action is still fun, though I can’t help but feel that the modernised 3D fixes might have made things slightly easier—flying enemies, once a pain, are now much simpler to hit. That said, the game isn’t a pushover. The sprite-based enemies are a reminder of its age, but let’s be honest—no one’s booting up Duke Nukem 3D expecting photorealism.
I haven’t yet reached some of my old favourite levels, but the White House stage was always a standout, and even back in the day, the extra content felt like a worthy expansion of an already incredible game.
Duke himself remains a relic of a different time—part Arnold, part Bruce Willis, part every action hero shoved into one sunglasses-wearing, cigar-chomping parody. Back in the 90s, he fit perfectly. Today, he’d probably need a more self-deprecating edge to work, poking fun at modern action heroes rather than trying to be one.
But that’s the beauty of this game—it’s a perfect time capsule of an era where action heroes could do anything, and a good one-liner was just as important as a rocket launcher.
Want to see what 90s FPS games were like? Picture Doom, but with strip clubs, alien ass-kicking, and one-liners that make Arnie look like a Shakespearean actor.
And for a few quid, it’s worth every penny.
👍 : 0 |
😃 : 0