Dangerous Golf Reviews

[h1]Ryan George Style Pitch Meeting[/h1] [Opening shot: The Publisher sits at a desk, sipping coffee. The Game Designer bursts in with a wild look in his eyes, holding a golf club. Explosions keep happening in the background, and golf balls are flying through the room like missiles. Gaige is jumping up and down with a crazy grin, launching golf balls from a homemade cannon while Mr. Torgue is screaming in the corner, throwing Molotov cocktails at the walls. It’s absolute madness.] Publisher: So, you have a video game for me? Game Designer: YES, I DO, SIR! IT'S CALLED DANGEROUS GOLF, AND IT'S A GOLF GAME BUT... EXPLOSIONS!! 💥💥💥 [A golf ball flies through the air and crashes into a chandelier. Explosions happen.] Publisher (squinting, barely noticing): Oh, wow. Okay. Uh… so, it’s golf, but with explosions? Game Designer (shouting over the noise): YES, BUT IT’S NOT JUST GOLF WITH EXPLOSIONS. IT'S GOLF WITH CHAOS!!! IT'S LIKE IF BURNOUT AND JACKASS HAD A BABY AND THAT BABY LOVED TO BLOW STUFF UP!! 💣💥 Publisher (looking confused but intrigued): That... actually sounds pretty fun. Game Designer (slamming his hand on the desk): BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! THE FIRST SHOT YOU TAKE HAS TO BREAK STUFF TO BUILD UP A SPECIAL "SMASHBREAKER MODE"! THEN YOU CAN TURN INTO A LITTLE BOUNCING FIREBALL OF DESTRUCTION, BUT ONLY IF YOU GET ENOUGH POINTS!!! IF YOU DON'T, YOU'RE JUST A REGULAR BALL AND NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOU!!! [Mr. Torgue bursts through the door, holding a rocket launcher, and fires it at a stack of plates. The explosion rattles the walls.] Mr. Torgue (yelling): EXPLOSIONS!!! YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH EXPLOSIONS!!! 💥💥💥 Publisher (completely unfazed): Oh, that’s... a vibe. Okay, but how do you aim? Game Designer: Oh, easy! You only aim sideways! No vertical aiming! It’s just left and right! No up or down! Just like life!!! [A golf ball rockets past the Publisher’s head and explodes a nearby vending machine.] Publisher (nervously laughing): What? You can’t aim up or down?! Game Designer: Nope! Just sideways, baby! Super easy, barely an inconvenience! [Explosions continue in the background, and a golf ball explodes out of the cannon, hitting a wall and sending debris everywhere.] Publisher (eyes wide): What about... what if they want to aim higher? Game Designer (smiling wildly): NOPE. JUST SIDEWAYS, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT!!! 🏌️💥 [A chandelier falls off the ceiling and crashes to the floor. Gaige is screaming, running in circles while holding a controller.] Gaige (shouting manically): THIS IS PURE ANARCHY AND I LOVE IT! THE BALL IS MY WEAPON, AND I'M GONNA MAKE IT DO WHATEVER I WANT! Publisher (distracted by Gaige’s energy): Okay, well… alright. Let’s just, uh, calm down for a second. You said you hit things to get points. What happens after that? Game Designer (wild-eyed): THEN YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO PUTT IT INTO A HOLE! BUT HERE'S THE CATCH—THE BALL HATES YOU! IT’S A LITTLE TROLL, AND IT WILL RICOCHET AROUND LIKE A PINBALL INSTEAD OF GOING IN THE HOLE! IT'S LIKE THE GAME’S TELLING YOU TO GO F* YOURSELF!!!** Publisher: So the hole is actually impossible to reach? Game Designer (grinning like a maniac): EXACTLY! IT'S GOLF! BUT YOU’RE FIGHTING WITH THE GAME, THE BALL, AND YOUR VERY SANITY THE WHOLE TIME! [A golf ball flies across the room, hitting a pile of crates and causing a massive explosion. Mr. Torgue runs by again, yelling at the top of his lungs.] Mr. Torgue: EXPLOSIONS! EXPLOSIONS EVERYWHERE!!! YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG IF YOU’RE NOT EXPLODING RIGHT NOW!!! 💥💥💥 Publisher (looking at the chaos in the room): Okay, so... no aiming. The hole is almost impossible to hit. And the ball is out to get you. Game Designer (nodding excitedly): YES! AND THEN YOU GET TO THE NEXT LEVEL AND IT'S THE SAME THING BUT WITH EVEN MORE STUFF TO DESTROY! A NEW ROOM FULL OF EXPLOSIONS TO SMASH INTO PIECES, AND YOU START ALL OVER AGAIN WITH THE SAME CLUNKY CONTROLS! IT'S JUST GREAT, TRUST ME!!! [Another golf ball flies by and explodes a window. Gaige is holding a detonator and laughing maniacally.] Gaige (yelling): LET’S BLOW EVERYTHING UP! LET'S TURN THIS WHOLE GAME INTO A BLOODSTORM OF DESTRUCTION!! Publisher (covering his ears): Okay, what are you even telling me right now? You want people to play a game where they can’t aim, the ball doesn’t go in the hole, and it’s just endless destruction?? Game Designer (enthusiastically): EXACTLY! IT’S LIKE IF BURNOUT AND JACKASS MADE A BABY WITH DESTRUCTIBLE ENVIRONMENTS AND INSANE PHYSICS!!! WHO WOULDN’T WANT THAT???!!! Publisher (eyes wide in shock): I have no idea what’s going on anymore. Game Designer (ignoring the Publisher): Also, the camera’s broken, and it’s impossible to see half the destruction, but we’re sticking with that too! IT’S CHAOS! THE WHOLE GAME IS CHAOS! 💥💥💥 [An explosion rocks the room, and a golf ball launches across the office, hitting the Publisher in the face. The room goes silent.] Publisher (eyes glazed over): Well, okay then. Game Designer (smiling): Great! So, when do we start?! [Another golf ball flies through the room, narrowly missing the Publisher’s head, and explodes. Gaige is standing next to the cannon with an insane grin.] Gaige: WE CAN DO IT AGAIN! WE’RE JUST GETTING STARTED, BABY!!! [The camera zooms out, showing the Publisher’s face in sheer horror as explosions and chaos erupt around him.] Publisher (deadpan): Dangerous Golf. It’s chaos. Game Designer (shouting over the noise): IT’S CHAOS WITH A CAPITAL C!!! [Text on screen: Dangerous Golf. It's not just a game. It's an explosion waiting to happen.] [hr] [h1] Dishonest Trailer[/h1] [Honest Trailer Voice Over] Narrator (dramatic tone): In a world where golf is just too... boring, comes Dangerous Golf! A game that asks, "What if golf... but you smash EVERYTHING?!?" 💥 [Cue explosion sound and flying debris.] Narrator (excited): Get ready to hit things with a golf ball! And by things, we mean everything—plates, chandeliers, vases, priceless art... it’s a destruction simulator disguised as golf. [Cut to gameplay: Ball ricochets wildly off walls.] Narrator (mocking): It’s golf, but with the precision of a wrecking ball. You can only aim sideways, because why bother with accuracy when you can just destroy the whole room? [Cut to the ball missing the hole, ricocheting off a random object.] Narrator (sarcastic): And don’t expect the ball to do what you want! It bounces like it’s auditioning for a pinball machine and gets stuck behind random objects. [Cut to massive destruction in the environment.] Narrator (excited): But here’s the real fun: BREAKING STUFF!!! Smash vases, shatter windows, and ruin kitchens! The more you destroy, the more you unlock that sweet, sweet chaos—and chaos is therapeutic! 💣💥 [Cut to the ball missing the hole for the fifth time.] Narrator (mocking): And when you think you're finally about to sink the ball... surprise! It bounces away because it has better things to do, like disappointing you. [Cut to player desperately lining up a shot. The ball shoots off in a completely wrong direction.] Narrator (deadpan): Frustration? It's part of the fun, right? It's about the journey, not the destination. [Cut to massive explosion, the screen shakes.] Narrator (sarcastic): And if you’re not blowing things up, are you even playing? Just fire the ball at anything that breaks! [Cut to the player missing yet another shot.] Narrator (mocking): And when the ball moves slower than a skag in quicksand? Embrace it! That’s the magic of Dangerous Golf. [Cut to final hole—ball bounces off a wall, missing again.= Narrator (grinning): Dangerous Golf: It’s golf... but with 100% more rage and 0% more accuracy! [Cut to the game logo: "Dangerous Golf"] [Text on screen]: Available now... if you love destroying your sanity along with everything in the room. [End with explosion sound as the screen fades out.]