Elon and the Divine Proof Reviews

[h1]Dishonest Trailer: Elon and the Divine Proof[/h1] [Opening shot: A breathtaking, open landscape. Elon stands at the edge of a cliffside, looking over the vast world. The wind gently blows. The water shimmers beautifully. A single hamburger sits on the ground. He long jumps over it.] [i]Narrator (mock-philosophical):[/i] "From the minds that may or may not have been entirely serious when making this… comes a visually stunning, mechanically decent, yet completely existential crisis-inducing experience where the biggest question you’ll ask isn’t ‘What is the divine proof?’ but ‘Why am I still playing this?’" [Cut to Elon long-jumping across a wide field, perfectly sticking the landing.] [i]Narrator (pleasantly surprised):[/i] "Because, to be fair, the movement feels pretty good! You can triple jump, wall kick, backflip, and even pull off a little Wind Waker-style glide that makes getting around… actually kinda fun!" [Cut to Elon soaring majestically through the air with his glider. It looks serene.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "And you’re gonna want to use those movement skills, because this world? It’s absolutely gorgeous." [Cut to jaw-dropping vistas, shimmering lakes, and beautiful lighting effects.] [i]Narrator (genuinely impressed):[/i] "Seriously, the environmental design is top-notch. The water? Stunning. The lighting? Chef’s kiss. The world? Massive, lonely… but undeniably beautiful." [Cut to Elon running across an empty beach, picking up a hamburger.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "But for every step forward, there’s a big step back… because as gorgeous as this place is, there’s just nothing in it." [Cut to Elon staring at the vast, empty world. Wind blows. No NPCs, no lore, just silence.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "You are Elon. A man whose entire purpose is to collect random hamburgers scattered across the land. Why? That’s for you to figure out! …Except, no, the game never tells you." [Cut to Elon picking up a burger. The words “DIVINE PROOF +1” flash dramatically on screen. Nothing else happens.] [i]Narrator (skeptical):[/i] "Wow. So mysterious." [Cut to Elon misjudging a jump, falling into a lake. Instant death. Hard cut to Elon respawning miles away.] [i]Narrator (laughing nervously):[/i] "And if you were hoping for some kind of challenge—oh boy, do I have news for you! Because the only real danger in this game is water. Water kills you instantly. And not in a fun, ‘Haha, I messed up’ kind of way—more like a ‘Time to redo the last 20 minutes’ kind of way.’" [Cut to Elon standing in front of a tiny puddle, looking at it like it’s a final boss.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "It’s like the game is telling you: ‘Look, you’re already wandering aimlessly—why not suffer a little, too?’" [Cut to Elon doing perfect parkour up a cliffside, landing gracefully at the top. There is nothing there. Just wind.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "Because that’s the core of this experience: Beautiful landscapes. Solid movement. Absolutely nothing to do." [Cut to Elon staring at a hamburger in his hand. He doesn’t eat it. He just… looks at it.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "And, of course, hamburgers." [Cut to Elon soaring through the air with his glider, landing perfectly on a cliff. It looks graceful. He immediately steps off the edge by accident and falls into the water. Instant death.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "So prepare yourself for a thought-provoking, visually beautiful, and mildly frustrating experience that will have you questioning life, existence, and why hamburgers are apparently the key to the universe." [Cut to Elon standing alone at the edge of a canyon, looking at the sunset. The camera zooms out.] [i]Narrator (mock deep):[/i] "Is it about solitude? Is it about purpose? Is it about nothing? The game won’t say. But it sure looks pretty while saying nothing." [Cut to Elon jumping joyfully over an empty landscape. The words "9/10 – An Experience" flash on screen, sarcastically.] [i]Narrator (laughing):[/i] "Elon and the Divine Proof: Sometimes, the journey really is the destination." [Screen fades to black. A single burger appears.] [i]Narrator:[/i] "Coming soon… to the ‘weird but kinda cool’ section of your Steam library." [Hard cut to black. [END.] [hr] [H1]Ryan George Style Pitch Meeting f[/H1] [b]Game Designer (Ryan George with glasses):[/b] So, you have a visually stunning platformer for me? [b]Publisher (Ryan George without glasses):[/b] Oh, absolutely, sir! Gorgeous landscapes, smooth movement, and just a tiny bit of soul-crushing difficulty! [b]Game Designer:[/b] Love that! Tell me about it. [b]Publisher:[/b] Okay, so you play as a guy named Elon. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Oh! Like Elon Musk? [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh, no, sir! This Elon is just some guy. No spaceships, no Twitter rants—just a dude in a beautiful, empty world. [b]Game Designer:[/b] And what’s his goal? [b]Publisher (dramatic pause):[/b] Hamburgers. [b]Game Designer:[/b] ...Sorry? [b]Publisher:[/b] Hamburgers. They’re scattered everywhere, and you collect them. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Oh! So they give you abilities? [b]Publisher:[/b] Nope. They just exist. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Ah. Bold choice. [b]Publisher:[/b] It’s not about thinking, sir. It’s about jumping, running, and not falling to your doom. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Okay, okay, so it’s a platformer? [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh, absolutely! And a pretty fun one! You can triple jump, wall kick, backflip, even glide like in Wind Waker! [b]Game Designer:[/b] That actually sounds really cool. [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh, it is! Until The Pillars. [b]Game Designer:[/b] The Pillars? [b]Publisher:[/b] Yeah, a section with giant stone pillars moving in and out of the water. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Oh, so like a timing-based challenge? [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh, more than that! If you mistime your jump even slightly, you’re dead. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Oh. [b]Publisher:[/b] You land too early? Gone. Too late? Bye-bye. Hit the wrong angle? Hope you like swimming, because you’re restarting. [b]Game Designer:[/b] So, do you lose all your progress? [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh, not at all! You just go back before The Pillars. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Oh, that’s not too— [b]Publisher:[/b] But still far enough back to make you groan. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Ah. [b]Publisher:[/b] See, most of the game is smooth, but here? One mistake, and it’s redo time. [b]Game Designer:[/b] That sounds frustrating. [b]Publisher:[/b] Right?! It’s genius. [b]Game Designer:[/b] So, we’re punishing the player for a single mistake? [b]Publisher:[/b] Absolutely. It’s the Dark Souls of hamburger collection. [b]Game Designer:[/b] That’s just… mean. [b]Publisher:[/b] It’s art. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Okay, but why is his name Elon? [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh! Because Elon is an anagram for "Lone." Get it? He’s alone. [b]Game Designer:[/b] …That is painfully on the nose. [b]Publisher:[/b] Right?! Players are gonna feel so deep when they realize it. [b]Game Designer:[/b] I hate that I love it. [b]Publisher:[/b] I know, right?? [b]Game Designer:[/b] So… what’s the end goal? [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh, we don’t tell you that. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Of course. [b]Publisher:[/b] It’s open to interpretation! [b]Game Designer:[/b] …Translation: There is no ending. [b]Publisher:[/b] Well, technically there is. You collect every single hamburger and then— [b]Game Designer:[/b] Yes?? [b]Publisher:[/b] The credits roll. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Oh. [b]Publisher:[/b] And that’s the divine proof! [b]Game Designer:[/b] So let me get this straight—players run, jump, glide, explore this gorgeous world… but all they do is collect hamburgers and survive a death gauntlet? [b]Publisher:[/b] That’s the game! [b]Game Designer:[/b] Wow wow wow. Wow. [b]Publisher:[/b] Right?! [b]Game Designer:[/b] And what if players get bored? [b]Publisher:[/b] Oh, we thought of that. [b]Game Designer:[/b] Yeah? [b]Publisher:[/b] They can always… jump around some more. [b]Game Designer:[/b] …Well, okay then! [HR]