The Real Texas Reviews

This is one of my favourite games.

One of few games I can truly say has a soul.

I have yet to finish the game, but I took the championship belt from a wizard by body slamming him in the ring.

This is a humble yet [i]epic[/i] adventure in a realm of deep strangeness, a psychoactive Tir na Nog set up by the god of greed . . . which land is [i]also[/i] a weirdly wonky dreamscape shared quite naturally between Zelda and Ultima, with adits reaching into the underside of every point ‘n’ click there ever was. [i]This[/i] is the story of one desk-bound cowboy’s transdimensional catapulting into the pocket universe called Texas. You control the six-sided Swaggerer without a Name on his vacation to a castle in England -- where he discovers a portal to a separate reality populated by farmers, bankers, a catapult mechanic, an up-and-coming rapper, Charles Dickens the frozen chicken magnate, a sentient compost pile worshiped by a talking rat (I recognize those Far Side matron glasses, Mr. French!) . . . and a German alchemist whose failed escape attempts have caused, rather, various people from various times to be sucked into the same shifting pocket of unreality as himself. Your cowboy can examine or carry around just about any small item in Ultima-like fashion, while the combat is a real-time Zelda-esque deal, but with [i]exclusively[/i] projectile weapons -- using right-click to draw, and 1:1 mouse-driven crosshairs to guide the subsequent, left-clicked shots. The best way is to WASD yourself about, no serious attention given to the point ‘n’ click style “click and wait to get there” capability. The controls in general feel as humbly weird as anything else in the game -- strange but not [i]entirely[/i] unfamiliar -- and they manage to become transparent fairly fast. Once you’ve got the movement down, figuring out the rest is a snap; some of the combat can be a bit of a challenge (you can shoot the bats off your own back if that helps, and there is a wrestling belt, acquired early on, that lets you break away from the death-grip of slimes more easily), but most of the difficulty requires your thinking cap, or really, [i]your attention[/i]. But story and feel are what make [i]The Real Texas[/i] such an enthralling adventure. The simple electronic soundtrack, as sharp-edged yet oneiric as the graphics themselves, is haloed with a little tasteful reverb to give off that [i]haunted cave[/i] ambiance, and it sets the stage for something that starts out [i]gently unreal[/i] -- a little world of ordinary people in an extraordinary situation that has become old hat to them -- and goes down a spiraling sluice that threads the various troublesome incarnations of [b]greed[/b], the mysteries of the monocular Purple Bandits, the broad philosophy allowed by bilocation . . . with a little chin-scratching along the way about the simpler permutations of happiness. Ever had a dream with intricate structure, with its own rules, impregnated with a sense of humor that doesn’t demand you [i]guffaw[/i], but gleefully colors the atmosphere just the same? I have -- namely my deluxe dreams of Four-Armed Blinding Truth and of the body-modifying treasure-divers of the World Ocean, who need to actually [i]find[/i] treasure if they are to afford a reversal of the procedure at all -- and if [i]you[/i] have, you’ve never forgotten. That’s what the world of Texas is like; it’s a silly, sentimental, mysterious place with an appealing body of lore which may be a little misty on the margins, and it will leave one hell of an imprint on the metaphoric cardiac tissue of the open-hearted gamer. In other words, it gives back what you put into it, and more. The game is not long, nor is it tortuously hard, but it [i]does[/i] require your attention -- so don't play if you're more in the mood for instant explosions and optional exposition (or perhaps playing on some kind of [i]deadline[/i].) Do you have the patience to listen to some inoffensively odd people talk about their lives and aspirations in broad strokes for a few short sentences? Can you examine big and obvious objects, perhaps search them for smaller objects? Can you stand to die and retry just a [i]few[/i] times? Then you can enjoy and beat this game! The puzzles are highly logical -- even the [i]puzzle[/i] puzzles, even the two mazes. And though I've always [b]hated[/b] puzzle mazes, these actually did not bother me in the least. I completed them quickly and with a minimum of frustration -- I even felt a little tingle of pat-yourself-on-the-back accomplishment . . . maybe I even [i]liked[/i] the mazes, which in un-mazelike fashion kept me on a hungry forward drive, dangling new keys and items at short intervals for carrots. But enough about the mazes! I should say that there is also a string of interesting bosses at the end to test your trigger finger -- ham and an old game cartridge are involved -- but the fewer spoilers given about these weirdos the better. [I]The Real Texas[/i] is an underappreciated classic, and it was legitimately something of a [i]thing[/i] at its GOG debut in 2012. If it had been released a few years later -- but not much later, as it would have been completely snowed under by endless indies -- everybody would be talking about it today. So brew up some herbal tea and take some time out for a one-of-a-kind adventure, why don't you? (The way I see it, this game is an uncanny configuration of off-brand legos found inside a cookie jar left for forty years in the cobwebbed corner of an attic in a haunted house -- with a magic sigil scrawled on one plastic, parti-colored side of the device in still-delicious strawberry jam. This homely artifact hums with energy that is [i]actually[/i] a tiny voice speaking rapidly in an unknown language, yet you can understand it somehow, and it says: "Tired, under-equipped, bereft of horse (there are none in the game, by the way), or just plain [b]bemused[/b] -- a real cowboy always steps up to do what's gotta be done.")

A unique little gem of a game. It's quirkiness is reminiscent of action RPGs like Little Big Adventure. Don't be fooled by its appearance -- there's a lot of attention to detail in this game. You can search underneath mattresses for wads of cash, initiate hidden dialogue with various characters and discover plenty of hidden items, treasures, and new outfits for the Cowboy. Plenty of heart and humor. The combat isn't particularly deep as there's more focus on exploring and puzzle solving. Worth a try if you like overhead RPGs like Zelda, though it very much has its own offbeat personality.

It's so sad that this game is so under-reviewed and generally unnoticed. I'm not much of anyone, so my reach is limited, especially for such an oddball 6-7 year old game, but I'll try my best. I first played The Real Texas when it came out through the Humble Bundle store around 2012. It was a perplexing game, hard to get into because it didn't follow the conventions that most games do. It was so strange that I couldn't stop playing it, even if I spent a lot of the time lost. I had a great time. Fast forward to mid-2018, and I have a hankering to play it again. I had completely lost my memory of anything that had happened, so was able to enjoy it practically like I did the first time. I would compare the game most to Zelda, it has many of the same trappings, though exploration is handled a little differently. The inhabits of this strange world drive the story. There is a parser-like quality to your character interactions. You have a few topics you can select, but there is also a text box that you can type into to explore additional topics, if they are relevant to that character. Despite living in such an odd world, the characters have grounded desires and needs. They drive everything that happens and a lot does happen, I was surprised to learn (again). There's combat, which I found a little frustrating at times, but is alleviated with items. They generally make everything a bit smoother. While there is a fair amount of action, I would only ever replay this for the story. This is most likely why the DLC is story only, no combat, and, while this is not a review for the DLC, the non-combat mechanics really shine there. This game is really special. A lot of love and tremendous effort went into it. It's a full 10-12 hour story, with puzzles, combat, twists, and turns. Unfortunately, the wiki itself seems to have disappeared, though there are still some guides online if you look for them. If you're looking for something weird or quirky, something you've never played before, a well-written story, I wholeheartedly recommend you check this out.

(Most of my time with this was in the GOG.com version - trust me, I do have a lot of hours on it, just not on Steam's version.) The Real Texas is one of those odd games that I put off playing for ages for one reason or another, then when I finally get to it it becomes one of my all-time favourites. First off, I guess I should mention that it's definitely not a game for everyone. The pacing is a little slow at times, the dialogue and story is kind of quirky and weird (but intreguing and absolutely hilarious if you share that sense of humour), the world is weird and sometimes confusing, the art direction's papercraft style is very peculiar and unique... And if none of this is offputting to you, it instead gives a ton of charm to a wild ride of a game that you will never forget. Definitely one of the best unknown indie titles to grace the internet and something throughly special, you've never played another game quite like it and probably never will. If you're interested in quirky, weird, unique, charming, story-driven games like Earthbound or Undertale (though I'm a little hesitant to include that one because -everyone- came around with Undertale), you'll wonder how you missed this one for all of these years. If you prefer a straight-forward RPG or shooter or somesuch, maybe keep looking. PS: also, the music is fantastic and a -huge- soundtrack for this kind of undertaking. Excellent stuff.

(Played a long time ago off steam) Never understood why this game didn't become a cult classic. It is not traditionally attractive, but you won't find a more self-assured game than this one.