Behold the Kickmen Reviews

I came. I saw. I kicked the men. Indeed, the plot and justice demands you kick, as hard as you can... It's a fun little time waster, but really pay attention to the description and tutorial; it's not really football, and trying to play it as such may explain some of the reviewers who found it too hard. Instead, treat it as the silly take on the national sport it is, and focus on showing off and earning money from fans who want to be entertained, which you cash in via Doing A Goal. Don't take the occasional CPU insanity seriously either; the Goldkeepers who protect the bank are deliberately rubbish, and so once you get the sense of how to Do The Goal, you'll find you almost never lose; the 2 times I've played it from scratch on default difficulty, years apart and so I had to learn anew, I only ever lost one match each time, and beat the entire Big Boring Football Spreadsheet in 3 hours. Which is an ideal length as it lets you see the entire narrative without it overstaying it's welcome, and a most amusing narrative it is. As long as you aren't too puritanical about waving your football rattle about!