Elementary My Dear Majesty! Reviews

[h1]Ryan George Style Pitch Meeting for Elementary My Dear Majesty! (feat. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson)[/h1] Publisher: So, you have a hidden object adventure game for me? Game Designer: Yes, sir, I do! Publisher: Alright, hit me with it. Game Designer: So, Elementary My Dear Majesty! is this wild hidden object adventure where you play as a detective named Felix. Your mission? Solve the mystery of a princess who was totally normal at a tea party—until she turned into a giant, man-eating monster. Publisher: Oh my god. Game Designer: Right? So naturally, the way to solve this is by clicking on a bunch of random objects that have no logical connection to the case whatsoever. Publisher: Oh, well, that sounds frustrating. Game Designer: Super easy, barely an inconvenience! Players will be totally fine once they accept that none of this makes sense! Like, at one point, you repair a hot air balloon with a single piece of tape. Publisher: Wait, how does that even— Game Designer: Hey, shut up! Publisher: Oh, okay then! Game Designer: The game is full of these moments! Like, oh, you need to power a spaceship? Easy, just find a watermelon in a tree. You need to get past an obstacle? No worries, just launch a sheep from a catapult. Publisher: That’s not how anything works! Game Designer: But see, that’s the fun! Nothing makes sense, so everything makes sense. Publisher: That doesn’t make sense. Game Designer: Exactly! The game is a mystery, so the real mystery is why anything in it happens at all! Publisher: Wow wow wow. Wow. Game Designer: And now here’s where things get really exciting—Sherlock Holmes shows up! Publisher: What? Sherlock Holmes is in this? Game Designer: Well, not in the game! No, no, no. He just shows up during this pitch meeting for no reason at all! Publisher: What?! Game Designer: Yeah! Just totally unannounced, doesn’t help with the game, doesn’t contribute in any way. He’s just here now, sitting there, looking mysterious, drinking tea, offering random observations. [At this exact moment, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson dramatically step into the room, as if they’ve been listening from the hallway.] Sherlock Holmes: Elementary, my dear Watson. Watson (nodding gravely): Indeed, Holmes. Most elementary. Publisher: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? Game Designer: Exactly! That’s the reaction we want! You’re confused, right? You don’t understand what’s happening? Publisher: Not even a little bit! Game Designer: Perfect! That’s what makes it tight! Sherlock Holmes (sipping tea): Ah, yes. A most peculiar situation indeed. Watson: Though I dare say, Holmes, it is not nearly as peculiar as that time with the left-handed chimney sweep and the trained ferret. Sherlock Holmes: Ah, Watson, I fear the ferret was merely a red herring. Publisher: I’M SORRY, ARE WE JUST IGNORING THE FACT THAT SHERLOCK HOLMES AND WATSON HAVE MATERIALIZED IN THIS PITCH MEETING? Game Designer: Yup! Publisher: Why?! Game Designer: Mystery! Publisher: But they’re not even in the game! Game Designer: Exactly! That’s what makes it extra mysterious! The game isn’t about Sherlock Holmes, and yet he’s here! Which means there must be a reason! Publisher: Is there a reason?! Game Designer: Nope! Publisher: WHAT?! Sherlock Holmes: Ah, my dear sir, sometimes the absence of a reason is the most intriguing reason of all. Watson: Well said, Holmes. Truly, a puzzle wrapped in an enigma, with a side of tea. [Sherlock sips his tea thoughtfully. Watson nods, satisfied. The Publisher rubs his temples.] Publisher: Okay, so... are they just gonna be here for the rest of the meeting? Game Designer: Oh, absolutely. They’re just part of the vibe now. Publisher: And they don’t... do anything? Game Designer: Nope! Sherlock Holmes: Quite right. Our presence is purely incidental, yet inexplicably essential. Publisher: Oh my god. Game Designer: I know, right? So anyway, back to the game! The whole thing is super silly. At one point, you defeat an enemy by distracting them with a dancing bear. Publisher: Why? Game Designer: Because! Sherlock Holmes: A most elementary tactic. The bear is a diversion, the diversion is a strategy, and the strategy is victory. Watson: Indeed, Holmes, most astute! Publisher: WHY ARE THEY STILL HERE?! Game Designer: Because it’s fun! People will be so baffled by Sherlock’s presence, they’ll totally ignore how nonsensical the game is. Instead of asking, “Why does fixing a balloon with tape work?” they’ll be like, “Why was Sherlock Holmes in the pitch meeting?” and boom, we’ve created intrigue! Publisher: That doesn’t make sense! Game Designer: Exactly! Sherlock Holmes: A brilliant deduction, my dear sir. Confusion is the key to curiosity, and curiosity is the key to engagement. Publisher: You know what? Fine! I don’t even care anymore. Let’s just get this over with. What’s next? Game Designer: Oh, just one more thing. Publisher: Oh no. Game Designer: I wrote a strategy speech inspired by Sherlock Holmes, wanna hear it? Publisher: Do I have a choice? Game Designer: No! [Game Designer dramatically clears throat.] Game Designer: This mustn't register on a logical level. First, introduce randomness. Then, distract with inconsequential details. Counter any logical objection with more nonsense. Discombobulate. The confusion will cause mental hesitation. They will attempt to rationalize. Block with misdirection. Weaken resolve. Now fracture expectations. Break any semblance of coherence. Traumatize sense of reality. Dislocate all reasoning entirely. Heel kick to cognitive stability. In summary, brain spinning, logic dismantled, three assumptions shattered, four paradigms broken. Concept of linear storytelling: hemorrhaging. Capacity to understand why Sherlock Holmes is here: neutralized. Publisher: WHAT DID I JUST LISTEN TO?! Game Designer: A flawless business strategy! Sherlock Holmes: Elementary. Watson: Indeed, Holmes. Publisher: I need to lie down. Game Designer: Great! So we’re all set for release! Publisher: Okay then. [Sherlock and Watson tip their hats, finishing their tea as they fade mysteriously into the ether.] Publisher: Did they just vanish into thin air?! Game Designer: I don’t know! Publisher: I hate this job. Game Designer: Great! [hr] [h1] Dishonest Trailer for Elementary My Dear Majesty![/h1] [EPIC TRAILER VOICE] From the minds behind... well, something, comes a game that asks the bold question: What if a detective solved a mystery using absolutely zero detective skills? Get ready for Elementary My Dear Majesty!, the hidden object adventure that takes logic, throws it out a castle window, and replaces it with sheep catapults, watermelon-fueled spaceships, and repairing a hot air balloon with tape! Step into the stylish boots of Felix, a detective who doesn’t detect anything and instead helps a cursed princess by clicking on whatever shiny object the game tells you to. Think it makes sense? Think again! Your brain is now hostage to the whims of a game that treats physics, reality, and common sense like a suggestion at best. —Need to fix a broken machine? Find a fish! —Obstacle in your way? Just lob an animal at it! —Looking for a clue? Why not check under this pile of completely unrelated nonsense?! With graphics that look like a fever dream from 2012 and animations so stiff you’ll wonder if the characters are held together by sheer willpower, this game is pure chaotic nonsense from start to finish! And just when you think you understand it, Sherlock Holmes randomly appears in the pitch meeting to remind you that nothing makes sense anymore! So if you love mysteries but hate solving them, click your way through the most baffling adventure ever made! Elementary, my dear… something! [END SCREEN] "Click to play! Or don’t. Honestly, we have no idea what’s happening anymore." [hr]

In which Dream Dale, wanting to make a 3-D hidden object game but low on budget, ended up reusing assets from Magic Ball/Smash Frenzy 3 and 4. Pretty fun time waster with a pretty strange story, Seriously Alawar, you're missing out on all the money you could make on releasing all 4 Magic Ball/Smash Frenzy games (including the spin-offs of Magic Ball/Smash Frenzy 2) on Steam, at the very least remaster all four of them like Gamigo is doing for WildTangent's FATE!