ENCODYA Reviews

[h1]"Encodya Roasted: Tales from the Crimson Critique"[/h1] [Scene: A dimly lit room in Sanctuary III, with a projector screen showing the Encodya logo. The Vault Hunters and friends are gathered around, ready to unleash their critiques.] Tiny Tina: "Alright, y'all, buckle up and grab some Boom Bunny popcorn, 'cause this here roast is about to go nuclear! First up on the chopping block: Encodya! Or as I like to call it, ‘Un-codya’—‘cause it’s un-fun, un-intuitive, and just plain un-everything!” Maya: "Seriously, I’ve meditated through Maliwan drone swarms that were less frustrating than this game. The puzzles? They’re not puzzles—they’re cryptic riddles designed by someone who hates joy." Gaige: "O.M.G., don’t even get me started. This game is so outdated it makes Claptrap’s OS look cutting-edge. And that’s saying something!" Claptrap: "Hey! I’ll have you know my OS is state-of-the-art! Unlike Encodya, which is apparently powered by sadness and Windows 95!" Athena: "It’s ironic, isn’t it? A game set in a futuristic world… that feels like it was coded in the Stone Age. I’ve fought armies with sharper strategies than this design." Hammerlock: "Indeed, Athena. One would think that a world of technological advancement would feature gameplay that didn’t feel like an endurance test of one’s patience. Alas, Encodya is a masterclass in tedium." Wainwright: "Ah, but darling, don’t forget the narrative! A disclaimer that claims all resemblances are coincidental? Poppycock! It’s about as subtle as a Jakobs shotgun blast to the face." Hammerlock: "Quite right, my dear Wainwright. And the portrayal of cultures? Simplistic at best, offensive at worst. It’s as though the developers never left their own echo chamber." Tannis: "Speaking of chambers… this game’s logic belongs in one. A padded one. Where they can keep the puzzles—no, wait, ‘puzzles’ implies some level of cleverness. Let’s call them…‘aggressively obtuse obstacles.’ Yes, much better." Brick: "HA! Aggressively obtuse! That’s a good one, Doc! But seriously, this game’s got no smash. No crash. No pizzazz. If I can’t punch it, I’m out." Mordecai: "Brick, even if you could punch it, you’d probably miss—not your fault, just bad hitboxes. That’s the real challenge here: trying to enjoy the game while it fights you every step of the way." Tiny Tina: "But wait, there’s more! They got this robot sidekick, SAM-53, who’s like… if Claptrap and a toaster had a boring baby. It’s got none of Claptrap’s pizzazz, none of his… uh…" Claptrap: "Charisma? Wit? Irresistible charm?" Tiny Tina: "Nah, none of your annoying-ness. But still! The robot is just there to… exist? And make the main character slightly less lonely, I guess?" Maya: "And let’s not forget the real cherry on top: the game’s excuse for escapism. I’m all for deep, meaningful stories, but this? This is just depressing real-world politics and caricatures masquerading as satire. I came here to relax, not to be reminded why I need to relax." Gaige: "Right? Like, if I wanted to be sad, I’d just remember Deathtrap ran out of oil last week. RIP my mech-buddy’s smooth joints." Tannis: "And let’s not ignore the price tag. The developers must be delusional if they think this is worth full price. Even at a discount, it feels like robbery. If anything, Encodya owes me money for playing it." Wainwright: "Well said, Dr. Tannis. If only refunds could compensate us for the time we’ll never get back." Hammerlock: "Time better spent hunting rare game or… organizing my sock drawer, perhaps." Tiny Tina: "OOOH, I got an idea! Let’s chuck this game into Boom Bunny’s cannon and see how far we can blast it into non-existence!" Brick: "I’ll bring the explosives!" Claptrap: "Wait, wait, wait! Before we destroy it… can I use it as a coaster? Or maybe a stepping stool? It’s all it’s good for anyway." Mordecai: "Nah, Claptrap. It’ll probably crash halfway through being useful." [The group erupts into laughter as Tiny Tina starts setting up her Boom Bunny cannon. The screen fades to black with the Encodya logo slowly disappearing under a fiery explosion.] [b]The End.[/b] [hr] [h1]Ryan George Style Pitch Meeting[/h1] [Scene: A corporate office. The Publisher is sitting behind a desk, scrolling through their phone. The Game Designer bursts in, holding a huge stack of papers.] Publisher: So, you have a game for me? Game Designer: Yep! It’s called Encodya—a super emotional point-and-click adventure about an orphan girl and her robot companion in a dystopian future! Publisher: Ooh, emotional and futuristic? Tell me more! Game Designer: It’s set in a dark, gritty cyberpunk world. Lots of neon lights, rain, and sadness! Very edgy, very cool. Publisher: Okay, so what do you actually do in the game? Game Designer: You solve puzzles! A ton of puzzles that’ll make you question your intelligence. They’re cryptic, involve pixel-hunting, and random item combinations! Publisher: Wait, so they don’t make sense? Game Designer: Not at all! Super easy, barely an inconvenience! Players will click everything in sight for hours while getting vague, monotone robot hints like “Try harder.” Publisher: That sounds… frustrating. Game Designer: Hey, shut up, it’s fun! And the story’s about Tina, a sad orphan girl and her clunky robot sidekick, SAM-53, trying to survive in a depressing city. Publisher: Wowowowow, so it’s Blade Runner but with no fun? Game Designer: Exactly! You could even say it has "no JOI"! Publisher: Oh super punny, barely an avoidable reference! Game Designer: Thank you sir! With tons of social commentary, too. We’re really subtle about it—like, there’s a character named Rumpf who runs an evil corporation. Totally not based on anyone you know! Publisher: That’s… not subtle at all. Game Designer: Well, we’ll throw in a disclaimer. “Any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.” Publisher: I’m sure that’ll clear everything up. Game Designer: Oh, and we’ve got plenty of stereotypes to distract them from thinking about that! Publisher: What? Game Designer: Nothing! Nothing at all! Publisher: Who’s this for? Game Designer: Fans of old-school point-and-click games! You know, the ones who love obscure puzzles, tedious backtracking, and repetitive dialogue. Publisher: And the protagonist? Game Designer: Tina’s relatable because she’s really sad and grumpy. Her robot sidekick? Just like Claptrap, but less fun. Publisher: Oh, god. Game Designer: It’s 9-10 hours long, so plenty of time for frustration! But the art is gorgeous, so people will forgive everything else. Publisher: Maybe. Probably not. Game Designer: Well, just let them mute the dialogue! Problem solved. Publisher: Okay, but this is sounding more like a nightmare. Game Designer: Trust me, gamers are weird. They’ll love it! Publisher: Alright, alright, this sounds like a hot mess, but gamers will probably eat it up. Game Designer: Yes! You won’t regret this! Publisher: I will definitely regret this. Game Designer: Great! Let’s make this happen! Publisher: Somebody stop me before I say yes. Game Designer: Too late! It’s happening! [hr] In a world of neon lights and rain, Where hope is lost, and shadows reign, Encodya promised truth and fight, But fell to tropes in the dying night. A robot’s charm, a girl so sad, A world of tech, both bright and bad. Yet beneath the gloss, the flaws remain, With stereotypes, they cloud the aim. “Progressive” claims, yet shallow sight, Where cultures shrink in black and white. The satire’s heavy, the jabs too loud, A hollow critique, too proud to doubt. The story’s heart, once bright and true, Now tangled in a flawed view. A chance for depth, a world to mend, But ended up just to offend. What could have been a voice so clear, Now lost in tropes we’ve seen too near. A game that tried but missed the mark, Leaving us lost in the cold, dark.

I wanted to like this game I really did. The graphics amazing, the story was alright, the music and sound affects good, but the pacing and the back and forth was so convoluted I wanted to rip my hair out a lot. I couldn't even finish it at the end because I was just more frustrated and annoyed then anything else and was no longer even enjoying the game. Even with a guide I found this game so cumbersome that I couldn't finish.