Lamp Man Down Reviews

No sound. Terrible gameplay. Gross. https://youtu.be/8PZeRtO2pqo

This game strikes me like a very specific nightmare. It takes place in an enclosed field of black. It's almost impossible to see the walls, but you can feel their presence. You character runs clumsily, as though exhausted, as blindingly white.. things chase after you relentelsessly. Even when not active, they lay on the field, the only illumination present. There's nowhere really to run, and the controls are awkward and stiff. When they catch you, you are pushed down awkwardly as they flail. Your character falls with an odd animation. It reminds me of time lapse footage of a decaying carcass. The movement jerks, as joints seem to resist and then instantly go past their normal limits. The game then cuts you back to the title screen, giving you a silent score in the bottom right. In the game, you can wall jump and there is a central circular pillar in the middle. It's not hard to climb up to the top and watch as the things accumulate below, running tirelessly against the walls. From this elevation you can see the sky, and the area outside the field of black. It's a simple environment: a somewhat reflective surface, a skybox, and a distant red-orange light source. It looks like a sunset on a sea of glass. But that's not all. The game itself sits uneasily in steam. I think the title is "Lamp Man Down", but in the checkout and installation it goes by different name. I... honestly can't remember what it was. Did I forget? Did I just imagine it? I'm not sure. Finally, the game activates SteamVR when it loads. That's the only sound I can hear when I play this game - the sound of my lightouses as they spin. There's no way this can be a VR game, it has to be some kind of weird bug. Maybe it's activating it by default? The action in VR would make me sick as a dog, there's just no way it's intended. Why did I even buy this game? The trailer just gave me anxiety and the other single review panned it pretty hard. When I was on the store page, I had that kind of feeling I sometimes get, like I'm standing near the edge of a cliff, telling myself how I DEFINITELY should not walk to the edge of that cliff and jump off. It would ABSOLUTELY be completely terrifying as I fall. I MUST stand still and NOT take a running jump. ZERO movement in that direction. Obviously the stakes were much lower, so I hit the buy button. As I listen to the lightouses whirr, I do wonder. What on earth could be going on in that headset? But I don't think I can look inside. I dare not.