Woodcutter Simulator 2013 Reviews

Given the title of the game I started with fairly low expectations. Sadly, even then I was let down by the early game. Its true that I have not progressed very far however I feel the game lacks polish. It was glitchy and crashes anytime i plug in the power cord while running on battery. I also wound up walking on top of trees after finding I was unable to climb up a hill trying to get to my objective. The game and interface are not very intuitive. Figuring out where to go on the tiny minimap is confusing (the tutorial is no help being simply a series of 20 second text overlay videos pointing out UI elements), and once you do reach an area figuring out how to use the chainsaw is frustrating. Once you do it simply turns out to be finding the right spot to stand and pressing the action button, no skill or planning involved. The game would certainly be a lot better if it had a more open world sandbox feel. If I were Stihl I would be dissapointed that customers were having this experience with the starting chainsaw being prominently branded. I hope it gets better as I am able to purchase higher end equipment.

I'd suggest driving to Bunnings, buying a chainsaw and throwing yourself into the sides of vehicles. You'd have way more fun. This should be called GimmeMyMoneyBack Simulator 2013. Thanks, Obama.

Woodcutter Simulator 2013's environment is very pastoral and eerily serene. Set in a presumably German valley, the player can hear a constant and unyielding cacophony of chirping of birds in the distance. With regard to the presentation of violence against trees, you're limited to accepting a contract with specifically designated markers. In order to fulfill this, the player walks towards the tree, checks the radar on the bottom right, and begins to rip into that deciduous flesh. Upon felling the great beasts with the chainsaw you'll hear their moaning creaks and be treated to a third person perspective of the tree collapsing. Unfortunately the engine does not model physics too well and you're not free to hack away at trees. The act of cutting down a tree is simply a matter of pressing a button and watching an animation. So with all of this in mind I'd say that only simulation devotees and people like myself who enjoy investigating the curios of Steam should pick up this title.

This game will make rainbows pour out your mouth from the realistic physics such as trees disapearing before your eyes. 10/10 Dead Trees.

Wow this is the best running into vehicles and flying through the air with a chainsaw in your hand that doesnt work simulator i have ever played, definatly GOTY.

If I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden and the developer of this game and I had a gun with two bullets I'd shoot the developer twice. Thats how bad this game is.

Don't even. Not even as a joke. You'll regret it within a small number of minutes. Possibly less than that. I've heard that wood dust gives you cancer, anyway.

First In-Game Adventure: You start out as a random guy with a chainsaw standing in front of a house and you see that you are next to three recycle bins. You wonder who you are and how you got there, and why you are standing next to three recycle bins. You see a tree and you decide you want to cut it down. You run up to it in super lag at 1fps and try to stick the chainsaw which you don’t know how you got into the tree. You try to start the chainsaw but it says you are holding the chainsaw in the wrong position. So you give up and decide to explore. But then, all of the sudden, you feel the need that you need to cut down some trees. You have no way of getting this information, you just know in your mind that you must cut down three trees. So you decide to cut down these trees and you realize that you can run faster sideways than you can forwards. You don’t know why, you just do. In your head you visualize a map. You have no way of getting this map, you just picture it (in the top-right corner of your screen). You run to this place where you feel the trees are and you magically stop. You have reached the end of the world. Small world right? Then you turn around and you see a hideous, very scary sight. You see…a mountain that is literally covered in trees!!! Then you see a crane and decide to jump in it so that you don’t have to look at that hideous mountain anymore. You don’t know how you got in it or what you pressed, but you’re magically in the crane. You can’t get out. You’re stuck. The game is over. Second In-Game Adventure: You start out as a random guy with a chainsaw standing in front of a house and you see that you are next to four recycling bins. You once again wonder who you are and how you got there, and why there are now four recycling bins. Maybe the garbage man came and dropped off another one? These questions remain in your head leaving you in confusion. You see a tree once again and you decide you want to cut it down. You think that maybe this time the chainsaw will actually start…You thought wrong. Once again the chainsaw doesn’t move. You decide that maybe this tree just has problems and doesn’t like you so you decide to run away from this tree that doesn’t seem to like you and you run up a hill. You then remember that you can run faster sideways than you can forwards. You don’t know why, you just do. So you awkwardly run sideways until you come to another tree. You think that this one looks more friendly and will want to be your friend so you can cut it down…You thought wrong. As soon as you get up to the tree and raise your chainsaw, the tree pulls you into it. You don’t know how, since you were standing about 5 ft. away from the tree. How can this be? You are stuck with these puzzling questions waiting to be answered. Anyway, the tree pulls you into it and you go into the tree. You don’t know how, all you know is that you are now inside the tree. But then, things get much more scary. You then fall out of the tree and start falling into a world of whiteness. You look up and you can see that you have fallen out of the world. You can see the bottom of the world fading as you fall farther and farther into the world of whiteness. You look down into the whiteness. It looks very…white. But then, as you start to think that things can’t get any worse…You thought wrong. Black and white lines cover up your screen. Everything fades. The game crashes. You are back at your desktop. Worst simulator game ever…

You bet your ass I recommend this game. This is some next level shit right here. Cut down the trees. Get paid. Cut down more trees. Get paid. Get equipment. Cut down more trees. See the sights. Visit places like Shadey Woods, The Shadow Forest, The Haunted Forest and The Old Forest. Admire the lush natural environment... THEN SHIT ON IT WITH A CHAINSAW. FOLLOWUP: Still the best woodcutting simulator ever. People play fucking GOAT SIMULATOR and scream praises to the skies about the bugs and glitches, but play this and bitch whine and moan about them. Get bent. It's like, $4 for an hour or two of good belly laughs, last time I went to the theater I payed about $15 to watch 2 hours of garbage I forgot before I got to my car. I stand by my Thumbs Up.

This game sucks. The chainsaw gives you the most money per tree, everything else earns you less so there is no point in buying machinery. You also move the fastest while on foot, when strafing, the vehicles are super slow. Oh and you also fall through the terrain constantly, there is even a button for resetting your vehicle when it happens so it's not like the developers didn't know about it. Update: Still bad.