The You Testament: The 2D Coming Reviews

got body-slammed by the lord and savior himself. 10/10

I opted to play my first game as Tupac Shakur. I found myself in a hut with some coins, a chicken and a katana. Naturally, I hurled the cash at the chicken, killing it, then strode boldly outside brandishing the katana. Instantly, a centurion dropkicked me, put me in a double-arm surfboard stretch and tried to extort money from me - money which I had already chucked at the chicken. Therefore, I was taken to court, racially abused and punished by being cast into the Coliseum with a horse, a wolf, a bear and a tiger. The horse proceeded to slay me. The first moral of the You Testament? Be fiscally prudent and never throw your hard-earned wages at a chicken. In my second playthrough, I chose to be Merlin. I found myself in a hut with a cooked chicken leg which I proudly bore outside. I was promptly mugged by a burly Roman who purloined my chicken leg. Jesus immediately appeared and urged me to turn the other cheek. I chose otherwise, resulting in the burly Roman assaulting me with my own food before placing me in a triangle choke until I expired. The second moral of the You Testament? Forgive them robbing your meal for verily they practise Brazilian Jujitsu. I am currently enjoying my third playthrough as a samurai named Samurai. I mug people for food, throw stone tablets at rabbits, chop the arms off vikings, murder random wandering ladies and once gave Jesus a Canadian Destroyer before stealing his leafy branch. I have been taken to court 6 times and escaped with a single small fine and brief prison sentence. As befitting a blasphemous ronin, I have joined the legion, which means Romans now assist me in oppressing the population. The third moral of You Testament? DO UNTO OTHERS!!