骸亡禁决：Skeleton King Reviews

I have absolutely no idea what this game is about. Despite claiming on the store page it's [i]not really[/i] in English. Instead it's in a language mix of chinese and absolutely laughable chinglish. There's very little explanation on what to even do. It starts with the login screen. There are fields for username and password which look to be prefilled and below them is this gem of a hint: "Warm tips: it is recommended to use 2560*1440 to enter the game, which can achieve the best effect." What a warm tip. My laptop only manages 1080p so I guess it won't achieve the best effect. You don't need to enter any username/password, though, as the game just logs you in fine with the defaults. Weird but okay. Using Steamworks would have been better. Then you get to the "role select". You've got the choice of one of six wooden figures which all look the same but are colored differently. What's their actual difference? No idea. Once you've randomly clicked on one of the figures another screen tells you to "(Start the skeleton king duel)". Good, that's what we're here for! You're dropped into an empty area surrounded by rather strange looking mountains (someone overdid it in the Unity terrain editor). There's a house you can't enter. Ahead are a few bushes and trees and approaching them you can see there are chinese statues and stuff like that littered around. No skeleton king to be seen anywhere. Pressing ESC we get a menu where we can "set to English" which we do. Fortunately, otherwise the following would all be in chinese. Of course it [i]was[/i] in chinese before I found out and no, the setting isn't saved. Approaching a statue (or mostly any object really) and holding the left mouse button makes your wooden figure chop at it with a pickaxe. Sometimes - but not always, lord knows why - you get treated to a screen telling you ... "Please Incense (Button) Shangxiang Before opening the coffin every time, you need to ask incense to kowtow. If incense succeeds, you can start to calm the coffin." Right, since the only way to get rid of that screen is by clicking "shangxiang" we do that and are greeted with the same screen again, only with an unlit incense candle and the button "do it again". So we do it again and [i]the same screen[/i] appears again, only now the candle is lit and the button read "Pressed coffin". Sorry for the run-on sentence, but now we're getting somewhere ... maybe? The next screen reads differently: "Pressed coffin According to legend, if you want to open the coffin, you need to stabilize the coffin. Only by calming the soul of the tomb owner can you get the bones. Please stabilize the coffin." and below that wall of nonsense are eight buttons: Black dog blood Seven Star disk Holy water Sheep head Five emperor's money Mahogany Yin Yang array Cinnabar Behind all of this text is a picture of a coffin. Maybe we need to appease the "tomb owner" by giving him the correct item? Who carries sheep heads, black dog blood and holy water with them anyway? Turns out I was correct. There's a help screen (press H) telling you exactly which coffin model wants what appeasement item. Unfortunately that's all you get, a picture - enjoy remembering the different coffins from now on. Apparently after giving the poor tomb owner the correct item you get to adjust some sort of celestial compass or some such nonsense - I didn't try because the entire ordeal was just too silly. Technically the "game" is a complete mess. It looks terrible with low resolution everything (and you can't adjust visual settings because there are none) and really poor animation. No proper lighting and no post processing. The character movement is glitchy and jerky. Why the game is 5 gigabytes in size remains a mystery as it clearly doesn't look like it should be. No idea who made this but they must have been smoking quite the good stuff if they thought it's ready for release. Apparently it even features multi player but of course there was nobody around. Unless you are a streamer or Youtuber wanting to show off some extremely weird chinese game to your fans don't bother buying this. It's not even worth the measly amount of money they ask for it. [code][url=https://steamcommunity.com/groups/assetflipreviews]Join my Steam group[/url] for more reviews of asset flips and crap games[/code]