Knights of the Tiny Table Reviews

I like to collect achievements before deciding if i'd like to review a game or not, and honestly? This game is not worth it. I'll try to keep this as short as I can, but I still want to talk about what this game has going for it to make it extremely annoying, and what makes it somewhat fun. The four biggest problems this game has is that the money system is very glitched and will fail to save your money properly when you play the game no matter what, one of the achievements is SO unfair that not even the developer of this game has it (check his steam account lol), the game will start stuttering/pausing for a few seconds if you play it for too long... which I personally think it's the game getting fed up with it's existence and trying to make you close it (womp womp) and the developer abandoned his game right after launch. Anyway, how's the gameplay? You start with three units, but Arthur can not ever be removed from your party. This makes the game a little more repetitive and consistent, but otherwise it makes sense. The other two units hit enemies above/below and left/right by two spaces, which makes them the most reliable in the game when paired together. The rest of the units? They're bad. They feel gimmicky because the tactic you're going for is lining up your units with the enemies so more than one gets killed by a single unit, allowing other units to take care of other enemies. Unfortunately, the other four units just aren't reliable compared to the first two you can select, since enemies have to spawn in very specific ways to make the other unlockables worth it. When you actually play the game, you'll have fun at first figuring things out, but then the feeling of discovery is replaced with "ah f**k". You rely on the dice you roll to be able to place your units, but you can get repeated dice, which means you can roll 1/1/2/2 right at the start, making it impossible to hit an enemy at square 6-6 without the right unit... which also means you're punished for no reason. Hunting for the hardest achievement or even playing the game normally can feel annoying because the dice you got can just f**k you up. They feel completely unnecessary and really just add artificial difficulty to the game. Also, since you need 500 gold to buy the right units but the money system's screwed up, I'll just tell you this: write EXCALIBUR on your keyboard in the unit selection screen. This is something the developer only mentions in one of the community posts. He probably realized the system was f***ed before releasing the game and added a way to get 500 gold instantly, which makes things way better. I recommend you to use this secret so you don't waste your time grinding for money by resetting the game until the system works. After unlocking all the units, going into the options should give you a Jester button, which auto selects the secret unit with the same name when you start a new run. They select a random unit that isn't Arthur whenever you enter a new screen and copies their attack pattern, which effectively unlocks you a randomized run. Otherwise the game stays the same, and Arthur will still be there instead of a third Jester. This is all the game really has, besides the fact that intentionally losing the tutorial gives you a neat little easter egg from the developer. The game's randomness and lack of upgrades means you'll be suffering for a while to get the rest of the achievements, since the 500 gold one requires you to lose health intentionally while healing to get points and decrease the enemy count, and the 8 enemies one relies SO MUCH in RNG that i've put 16 unnecessary hours into this thing for no good reason. I guess it's the developer's way to guarantee completionists won't be able to refund his game. Seriously, I wish you lots of luck if you somehow read this and decide you want to get an achievement that is just pure chance. I don't know if I got it out of spite knowing I got something the developer won't ever try to get, or if I was just trying really hard to get this game to 100%. All I know is that I've played this thing for 3 days in a row and i'm giving it a negative review at the end. Overall, it's a cute tiny game. That doesn't excuse the developer from not balancing it or even testing it out by himself. I hope he improves a lot if he tries making another game again, which probably isn't a good bet considering he kept saying he wouldn't update it because "it's a tiny game" and "it's the engine's fault for X not working". Sorry for ranting so much! I hope that you still have fun if you buy this, but the game's glaring problems just don't make it worth it imo. I'd recommend saving your money for "Into the Breach" instead, it seems like this game is based off of it. I don't think you'll regret buying it instead. See ya!