Help Me Now Reviews

Full gameplay review available here: https://youtu.be/HFN7MZxKLbc

Do not buy this. I am The Horror Network. I have played over 500 horror games on Steam alone, and probably 700-800 in total throughout my lifetime. Out of all that time spent. Out of all those games played. I can only really say one thing here... Help Me Now has transcended beyond anything... ANYTHING, that I have ever played before. Above all of the itch.io, the one-off demos, the Russian cash grabs, the abandoned Early Access titles. I have never in my life played anything as bad as this game, and it almost makes me want to quit performing the service that I do here on Steam. Yes, it is THAT overwhelmingly awful. I picked this up during the Steam Summer Sale of 2020 for around a buck. It's kind of laughably suitable that THIS was one of the very conservative amount of games I decided to buy this year, because only in 2020 could something go this horrendously bad. This game is so abysmal that it's hard to put into words... I've been writing reviews for 10 years, and here I am, speechless. I'll try to make this as coherent as possible... here goes. So you're some guy who is part of the "FBIYH" and you have to investigate some house that you find yourself in. The story is incoherent as this is an ESL title, and hey... that's fine. English IS hard and I've never faulted any developer for that, other than not getting a decent translator. The creator here tries his best to pronounce English words and do his own voice acting using a D-grade mic, but it's so badly done that it's distracting. There was no way I was able to pay attention to the intro, or the tutorial. The rest of the story is told through garbled notes that are weirdly stretched on the screen when you pick them up, and it's something about... I'm sorry... who am I kidding... I honest to god couldn't pay attention to it. There's just too much happening here. The graphics are weirdly blurry. For some reason, when you get close enough to an object, it just turns into a giant blob. Take a couple steps back and it returns to something that can somewhat be seen. This right off the bat makes the game unplayable, but it's only one rotten ingredient of a steaming trash stew that makes it so wretched. The background "music" is a two second audio loop of a low growl that quickly becomes grating on the ears and nerves. Oh, and the whole time you have both hunger and thirst meters that are constantly ticking down and forcing you to speed through the house to find the items that you need to progress... nearly in pitch dark because your flashlight also consumes batteries on top of being 80% useless for seeing anything at all anyway. So you zoom through this house while your hunger and thirst meters tick away, looking for hamburgers, bananas, mimosas, keys, and notes, all the while trying to retain information you get about puzzles. Puzzles you never end up getting to because you RANDOMLY FFFFFFKING EXPLODE WITH A LOUD SCREAMER NOISE IN YOUR EAR SEEMINGLY OUT OF NOWHERE. Turns out some random enemy spawns out of NOWHERE whenever it feels like it, it's some weird chick who floats in the air with scissors??? And follows you, and if you bump into her you LITERALLY EXPLODE and get a nice ear-shattering noise along with it. I tried to get through the first part of the game twice, and both times this happened to me. So yeah. Help Me Now... you're really gonna need some help if you decide to try this swatch of feculence out. Now, developer, I know this hurts to read. I know this entire review is the most brutal thing I've ever written in my 10 year reviewing career, but there is nothing nice I can say here. There is no consolation prize, there is no award for trying. I feel like there was no true attempt at even making a game here, rather than just throwing a bunch of crap together and calling it a day. This isn't even an attempt at creating something fun. Nothing is explained in regards to the jumpscare killer, and you cannot tell me you actually believe people can see what they're doing in this game. I now know what it must feel like to be literally blind, between the blur and darkness in this game. I don't even know what to call this... I've seen better grade school projects. And this is in Unity. There are a billion premade assets. Why? Why everything? There's so many questions left unanswered... [h1]Rating: [b]0.1/5.0[/b] - Abysmal, avoid it like the plague.[/h1] The Horror Network [url=http://store.steampowered.com/curator/28221963/]Curator[/url] | [url=http://steamcommunity.com/groups/thehorrornetwork]Group[/url] Click for Gore